You know it’s so weird to be nervous for seeing people you once saw as your best friends. At that moment, a long time ago I thought that they where the people I would spend the rest of my life with. Go on vacations, doing all the wedding, mom stuff. I trusted them with my life. They were always there for me and I was always there for them. And you know I always thought, that day where the once that went a different way, they changed and I stayed the same. Until my mom told me that’s not true. They stayed. I moved on. They kept the same friends, dreams and jobs. While everything changed for me. And I do believe change is good. We need change to grow. To become a better person. But it’s hard, to change while everybody is forcing you to stay the same. Scared of losing me. Scared of losing the time we had.
And we’re growing apart. I am moving a different way. While I’m saving money to go to the other side of the world, and try to make the world a better place for everybody. They are saving money to drink alcohol, lay on the beach and fuck some boys. That is hard. To see the big differences between us. And I’m always asking myself, gurl, you need to get out there an get drunk every weekend to. But probably that world isn’t made for me. But I want that world to be for me. Because that’s a human thing right? To want alle the things you don’t have. We have a proverb for that in my country. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” It’s a popular one, because I believe that everybody is comparing them selves with others. And it’s not always a bad thing. But it can brake me to.
And while they are having a whole lot of fun out there. I’m writing this thought out. But i’m always wondering if somebody even reads this. So I’m writing it to myself. And I enjoyed writing this. So that’s a good thing.